Constantly promising myself that I will blog consistently, yet here I am almost 3 weeks since my last post apolosing for the radio silence. The reality is that sometimes real life gets in the way. The beginning of October, baby loss awareness week, is a tough one for me, not only does it stand as a reminder for what I myself, and hundreds of thousands of other women, and men, have to go through but it holds a lot of personal moments for me. As it were, both the due date of our first baby, our baby that we had to say goodbye to far too early and the date that we found out we were expecting tabitha, our rainbow baby fall in this week. I struggle, I struggle to read others stories and even to think about my own, we were so naive and hopeful that you don’t expect it to go wrong but when it does, learning that so many others have felt that same indescribable pain that will never leave me, quite simply breaks my heart.
I wanted to put something up during the week but I was too emotional, I cried too often and too hard to be able to write anything down. This may still be full of gobbledygook but I didn’t want the occasion to be forgotten, I use this blog to document big moments of our lifes and as an outlet for my passions. My babies, the one I hold and the one I remember are just as big a part of that so this is for them. As Tabitha grows and her personality develops I spend a lot more time thinking about the what ifs and could have beens, they hold as much hurt in my heart as they do hope because I don’t want to forget and actually the ache in my heart where they should be is all I have left of them.
Even if my post is a little too late, I wanted to mark the occasion and share a picture of our wave of light, lit on October 15th.
I hope that anyone that reads this who has been through it themselves, or by the side of a friend or family member that I know how you feel, and it won’t be ok, but sometimes it is ok to not be ok. Remember there is always someone there to talk to, I’m here for you too.
Baby Loss Awareness Week takes place every year from the 9-15 of October and hopes to bring awareness about the issues surrounding baby loss and to commemorate their babies lives.
For all the babies taken too soon.